I'm ready to pack away the box. Not tonight, though. I'll do it.. tomorrow.

*Deep breath.

I'm ready, & yet.. scared, almost.

I've been learning so much about myself lately. I'm happy about that, though. I know who I am, but, I'm continue to find out things about myself that I hadn't discovered yet, or accepted before. I'm growing. I'm happy with the progress that I see in myself, in all aspects of my life.

This is what if feels like, hm? It's been hard here and there, but I like it.

I'm learning.. that I'm no longer a relationship person. Not at all. =/. I mean, I've been in a good amount of relationships, i've loved, i've lost.. and i've just learned... that they aren't quite my strength. In fact, I do pretty much everything better than I do relationships. I probably do math better than relationships, & I can barely do college Algebra. So, uh... ha. I was telling my cousin this, and her first reaction was "You're relationships are always long, you guys always seem happy." - this is indeed true. I can be involved with one person, and one person solely, for a long period of time. But, that doesn't make me a relationship person. I just.. suck at.. giving myself up. That feeling of hopelessness... vulnerability... i've been there, man. It's just.. no longer my cup of tea.

Then again, somewhere between falling in, & learning to fall out of love... i've left myself behind. I'm hoping that the feelings that i'm experiencing, and the knowledge that I'm gaining, will help me catch up to myself.

When I was a little girl... I had an idea of what mattered to me most in life. I could easily picture my wedding, my house, my family. A white dress, yellow incorporated into my wedding. Brides maids, flower girl... the whole 9 yards. Comfortable home, with a picket fence. Cliche, right? Coffee-themed kitchen.. maybe a dark room for me to do pictures in for my scrapbook, and a nice place to store all of my home movies. three little children running around... and somebody who loved me to love...

& you know what sucks? I don't picture my life that way anymore. Or maybe... I don't really want any of that anymore. I don't want... that wedding, that house, or even that coffee-themed kitchen. But, I'd much rather... an apartment, with a roommate who's just a friend. The only reason I even want a roommate is because i can't fathom living alone, or coming home to a house that no one else is coming home to. I'd still like to have a least one child, though..

Love is a beautiful thing. But... it just... doesn't...

Eh.

I don't know. I don't even know. But, I'm not really sure what else I want to say, so...

Until we meet again, ciao.